Thank you Beyoncé for making my forced pixie cut fashionable. PERFECT timing Queen B! 🙂
Author Archives: jsultaire
Rohan Herring at the X-Factor
Rohan is a friend of mine from Australia that was dealt a difficult hand when he was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma at the age of 24. He underwent aggressive chemo treatment for an inoperable tumor the size of a grapefruit in his chest.
In the present he is engaged to the love of his life and making his dreams a reality by performing as often as possible. His musical ability is turning heads as he also performed at the World Championships of Performing Arts in Hollywood, CA. When I lived in Australia, he always talked about his dream to move to America and perform. It is exciting to watch his dreams become reality over time.
It is incredible to see how far he has come since his diagnosis. He was certainly a role model for my attitude when I was diagnosed with cancer a little over a year later. Watching Rohan go through his cancer experience with such a positive attitude and come out the other end helped me to believe that I could not only be okay, but flourish. Cancer was a mere speed bump for Rohan and if anything, has only encouraged him more to pursue his dreams with passion, sincerity, and optimism. Let this be a lesson for all of us.
As they say in Aus, good on ‘ya Rohan. I am HEAPS proud!
“Hair so long that it looked like weave then she cut it all off, now she look like Eve”
The emotional attachment to my hair has ebbed and flowed over the past few months. Some days I feel liberated and empowered other days I feel like my femininity and physical appearance has been compromised. There is really little rhyme or reason as to how I feel on each particular day but I think that is normal for all of us hair or not. Regardless, I have been pretty committed to the wig and rotated through a few different versions of my typical brunette self. The wigs are fun honestly. They have way more shape, body and volume than my own hair has ever offered me but it comes to a point where you’d rather just be dealing with your own mop especially in 90+ degree heat. I more or less committed myself to the wig look because I’m a 25 year old single female. Though I haven’t tried it, walking up to dudes at the bar, winking and saying “hey, you into bald chicks?” probably isn’t my best method of attracting the opposite sex. So wig it was.
Little by little I have been slowly going into public sans-wig. My most recent wig-less act was at Penn Station in NYC on my way home from visiting my Torrington loves. Penn station as you may or may not know is SUPER crowded so normally I would not go without hair in front of strangers in a situation where I was by myself . Tuesday I finally mustered up the courage to go without the wig to work as shown in the picture above. This was a huge milestone for me. I honestly had a knot in my stomach driving to work but my head said “shut up stomach, let’s go baldy”, and so I did.
Exposing my head in a picture in the safety and comfort of my own blog is way different than exposing yourself to your colleagues and students in real life. I expected some people to be polite about it and others to avoid the elephant in the room. Much to my surprise, the response was overwhelmingly positive. I’ve gotten more compliments than I did when I had long hair. How about that? Not that I ever had remarkable hair. It was average at best but it was long and could be straightened and curled and pinned and dyed. It could blow in the wind (usually in the wrong direction covering my face, definitely not sexy and windswept like a runway model). Despite all of the times I’ve tried to make my hair look perfect, the Sinead O’Connor look ended up being the homerun. I got positive feedback from people who don’t even know I had cancer. WILD. Bottom line, the positive feedback made me feel a whole lot better about my circumstances and perhaps I will go without the wig in other settings. If I’m feeling adventurous I may not wear it out this weekend but that is TBD. Baby steps, people, baby steps.
I would like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to a woman at Bryant, a fellow survivor, that went without her wig at work for the first time on the same day that I did. She looks absolutely stunning with or without hair. We had to laugh that we accidentally did it on the same day since we joked a few weeks ago that we would plan a day for the “big reveal” at work.
I guess we can chalk this up to another success.
“The fog is…inevitable” -Reginald
All good news to share today. First, the CT scan that I had prior to my trip came back all normal! Whatever pain I am feeling occasionally is probably something minor like adhesions. I will know more when my doctor calls me but at least that is a relief.
Onto the fun stuff…
I have returned from California in one piece. After the rainy Rhody weather a five days in sunny California with one of my favorite people on earth was just what I needed. I remember being so hesitant to book any trips this summer because I did not know if I would be well enough to stray too far from the hospital. I am so glad that I took a chance and booked the tickets.
This vacation consisted of a lot of sun, pool, hot tubbing, over indulgent food, and adult beverages (sorry Mom!). On the first night Adam and his two friends took me to the Shadowbrook Restaurant in Santa Cruz. It was one of the best meals I have had in a very long time AND you had to take a cable car from the parking lot to the restaurant which was pretty incredible. If you had taken me there during treatment, I would be fat in no time (but with the excessive vomiting post-chemo, probably not). Here is the only serious moment captured during that dinner:
During my stay I had the pleasure of meeting many of Adam’s friends that supported me during my illness. Adam’s friend Tina even took me out for a manicure followed by cocktails while my brother was at work. Thanks Tina! It was great finally meeting all of the amazing people in my brother’s life. It’s good to know that he is well taken care of despite being over 3000 miles away from home.
The 4th of July started at Khartoum’s for a fundraiser for Blue Star Moms, an organization of mothers that have sons and daughters serving in the military. They had a fantastic spread of BBQ food and drinks. The proceeds went to make care packages for our military overseas. In the process I ate well, met Tina’s extended family, and learned how to play shuffle board (I need to find this game somewhere because I am determined to become amazing at it). The day consisted of a pub crawl around Campbell and ended with fireworks.
Shasta got festive while I got a little sassy drinking swirls:
And after a couple swirls this happened…
All in all the 4th of July was a very nice day resulting in a very necessary snooze until noon the next day. Poor Adam had to work.
The second to last day we had a pool party which was a blast and on the last night Adam and I went to see a comic at the improv. We were seated right next to the stage and mortified because sure enough the comic called on us and proceeded to ask us horribly inappropriate things. Never again will I sit next to the stage at a comedy show.
In conclusion, thank you Adam for making my summer vacation beyond lovely. I basically left San Jose kicking and screaming.
I do want to share an interesting encounter I had. From Providence to Denver I met a girl named Jess close in age to me. We ended up sitting next to each other and pretty much talking most of the way there. She was meeting her cousins in Denver and driving to Vegas. I figured I would never see her again UNTIL I caught her days later in the Denver airport for the return flight. We were so excited to see each other you would think that we were old war buddies. We again chatted the entire flight home which was really nice because it’s a seriously long flight. Anyone who knows me knows that I love life talks and somewhere around the midwest we started to get serious. I told her about my experience with cancer, she told me that her father died when she was 16 of a serious illness. It turns out that her father also wrote and documented his final years. It was an incredibly emotional and deep conversation for a simple plane ride home. It just goes to show that everyone has a unique and incredible story to tell. I am thrilled that she felt comfortable sharing it because we were able to connect on a whole other level.
I am 4 for 4 on incredible trips to California. I need to make this more of a regular thing.
Return on investment
For those who have been following my ramblings over the past few months you know that once I returned to Providence I was committed to getting back to my regular old self as much as possible. At that time I had lost a significant amount of weight. My forced sedentary lifestyle also significantly reduced my muscle mass. To help myself along despite the fatigue (and a ton of vomiting) I forced myself back into the gym. I teamed up with Matt Weese, a master trainer at Boston Sports Clubs on the east side. He is a legitimate miracle worker. I know I have said this before but I am honestly in better shape now than I was BEFORE cancer.
Proof:
April 18, 2013: Still in chemotherapy
5 push-ups on my knees (Jac: please forgive me for referring to these as “girl push-ups”. Totally kidding)
July 2, 2013: Aftercare
30 standard push-ups
My intention here is not to show off (even though I feel totally badass since I could not even come close to doing this before). I’m about to get REAL cheesy but for me each pushup for me symbolizes progress despite adversity. My body started to fail so I built it back up little by little. The payoff has been incredible.
I am fortunate to have found a trainer that has taught me so much and empowered me to exceed what I thought were my limitations. Forever grateful.
29 and feelin’ fine
My weekend kicked off with a visit to m’lady Dr. Robison for a check up. I told her about the sporadic pain that I had been having in my lower abdomen/pelvis. She noted that the area felt dense but nothing felt or looked abnormal when she did an internal exam. To err on the side of caution she ordred a CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis. She tended to believe that it could just be the adhesions from surgery breaking apart as I become more active. I feel that she would have acted far more concerned if she thought it was something serious.
Bits of good news from that appointment:
-Dr. Robison is happy with my progress and moved our check ups to every two months instead of every month.
-Progress was reflected in my blood work as my CA125 is now 29. At the end of chemo prior to starting Letrozole it was in the high 40’s. Typically a CA125 level under 21 is considered to be most favorable. I am thrilled with 29 at this point. It’s cliché to say but “a watched pot never boils”. When I was fixated my CA125 a couple months ago it was creeping upward. Ever since my blood tests have become more spaced out and my last CT scan was clean I have given it very little thought. While I put it out of my mind the CA125 came down. Go figure.
The rest of the weekend was a blast. There was only one slight hiccup…
On Saturday night before we went out I met up with some friends for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. We were having a nice leisurely meal. We ordered cocktails and calamari while we waited for our salads to arrive. I’m sitting in the booth listening to John’s sister tell a story. While she’s story telling I start to feel a wee bit queasy so I drank some water. All of the sudden my hearing becomes muffled and my eyesight is spotty. I faintly hear Brian say: “Hey Jess. You okay?” I recall saying then….BLACK. I pass out. When I come to John is holding my head up because I must have slumped forward. I’m surrounded by concerned friends, staff, and customers. The EMT’s arrived incredibly quick because I wasn’t passed out for long before they arrived. John walked me to the ambulance outside so the EMT’s could take my vitals as fellow diners looked on. Leave it to me to pass out in a packed chain restaurant in the center of town on a Saturday night.
Anyway, the EMT’s took my vitals and gave me the option of going to the hospital considering my medical history. I declined their offer and went home instead. After that I felt completely fine. In fact, I still went out dancing that night like a trooper (when I rally, I rally). I was well fed, hydrated, and temperature neutral so I have no idea why I fainted out of the blue. The only conclusion that I can draw is that I’m part Polish, part Russian, part fainting goat.
All in all I am fine. I spoke with my nurse and doctor since the “incident” and neither sounded overly concerned. They will note it and told me to tell them if it happens again. I’m not too worried. The silver lining of this stunt was that when Brian went into the restaurant to settle our bill and take our food to go the manager felt so bad that he/she comped our entire bill! The boys told me that fainting for food might need to be my new trick.
To end on a fabulous note I will be visiting my brother in California in T-minus one day. He is one of the most important people in my life and I cannot wait to finally hang out with him on the left coast under non-medical circumstances. FINALLY.
This is pretty much what you can expect from the remainder of my week with Adam:
The blog will get a full report next week. Until then, Happy (almost) 4th!
Alpha Sigma Cancer Pi
I’ve said this many, many times before but I feel like the luckiest person alive for the support system that I have had through the past seven months. As time passes, this support system continues to grow in unexpected ways. It feels as if everywhere I turn is another person with their own cancer story to connect with whether they be survivors, caretakers, or medical professionals.
Having cancer in this respect is like pledging for a sorority. You meet all these great, new people who do awful crap to you like cut your guts out and pump you full of poison. You are alongside other women undergoing the same “torture”. When it is all said and done you have a bunch of new friends who identify with and support you (the only difference is that you don’t rip shots and do keg stands with these people. Or maybe you do. I just haven’t found them yet).
My phlebotomist is a great example of one of these “sorority sisters”. Today I had to get blood drawn. A few months ago I would have dreaded this. I mean, who wants to get stabbed in the veins with needles on the regular? (acceptable answers include: masochists and heroine junkies). Today was different because I hadn’t seen her in a while and I really enjoy our encounters. We chatted about work and her daughter that is going off to college in the fall. It was warm and familiar. She tortures me with those needles but her vested interest in my life and health makes me feel oddly at home in her little blood drawing chair. This is what I was getting at in a previous entry, that familiarity of a GOOD medical staff. They become your friends, family and confidants. They see you cry, they see your pain, they experience it with you. Even better, as you progress through the stages of your illness they celebrate your victories with you because those victories are theirs too.
Speaking of great medical professionals, my chemo nurse and I are total buddies now. We even went to yoga together tonight at W&I. She introduced me to another young woman with cancer (also named Jess) who I am looking forward to getting to know better. We all know that nurses are dedicated but when your nurse is willing to do shoulder stands with her patients in her spare time, you know she’s amazing. If anybody ever has the pleasure of meeting Sheila Enderby give her a giant high five.
Aside from the medical staff there are your fellow “pledges”, other cancer survivors. This network of people grows for me regularly at this point. Three separate people at work have revealed to me that they have had cancer and had undergone similar treatment. Two of these people revealed themselves to me in the last couple of weeks. In fact, I complimented a woman in the staff dining room on her haircut. She leaned in and whispered “it’s a wig” so I leaned in and whispered “mine too”. The next day she invited me to lunch and it turned out that not only did we both undergo cancer treatment, we also had the same social worker AND chemo nurse. Of course I would never want anyone to have to go through what I did but at the same time it has been really nice to connect with others on such a deep level when I probably would not have otherwise.
Though I never pledged for a sorority, I am certainly a lifetime member of an ever growing “club” anway. With every “sister” I meet, the mutual understanding helps me to feel a little less alone.
(p.s. our sorority house is called Women and Infants Hospital and we ran out of beer. All we have left are bags of saline, taxol, and cisplatin. It beats the hell out of natty light though)
On a totally unrelated note we are quickly approaching wedding season! Two of my friends from college, Katie and Molly, are getting hitched to long time boyfriends. I had the privilege of attending their showers this month:
Oh and I have also decided that this handsome fella is going to be my wedding date to Katie’s wedding. I’m sure her parents won’t mind if I borrow him for the day…
When these lovely ladies got engaged I told both of them that come hell or high water I would be there to dance at their weddings. To be perfectly honest, at times I had my doubts that I would be well enough to attend these beautiful events. Health-wise, I am so much better than I expected to be at this point and I don’t just think, but I know that I will continue to progress in a positive direction. I cannot wait to tear it up on the dance floor with the future Mrs. Carlson, and Mrs. Solari. If watching these beauties get married isn’t motivation to get better, I don’t know what is 🙂
Someone has got a case of the Mondays
Health update: So far so good. I’ve been on Letrozole for over a month and so far I just have crazy hot flashes fairly regularly. The only concern I have is minor. I have had some occasional pain/cramping in my pelvis/abdominal area. It could be scar tissue breaking up but I really don’t know. It could be anything so I’m not going to worry yet. Like Dr. Robison says, IF it’s time to worry she will let me know. I have a check-up with her next week so I will address it then. Until then, as far as I know- I’m okay.
Life Update: Something interesting happened today. I was driving to work especially anxious. It was the first day of freshmen orientation at Bryant and I had to give two advising presentations for incoming students for the first time. It’s not that I didn’t know the material and it’s not that I am shy of public speaking. I just knew that I had a TON of information to deliver in a small window of time. When you’re delivering to an audience that is already inundated with information, not making their heads spin is generally a goal.
So I’m chugging along on my normal commute, sitting at the stop light in front of campus, waiting for my green arrow and I smell something odd. I see white smoke start to billow upward in front of me. My first thought was “hey someone’s car is smoking” (I think it was a moment of wishful thinking). My second thought was SHIT it’s my car. My temperature gauge couldn’t be any farther on the red end of the scale. I was incredibly fortunate to already be at work and not stranded on 95 somewhere.
I would like to tell you that I just parked and said “suck it up Sally! You have a presentation to give. Deal with this later!” but unfortunately I cannot. I did deal with it later because I needed to dive into the madness of orientation but I certainly did not forget about it. Most of the morning my train of thought went a little like this:
Actual Voice: Welcome to Bryant! What are you planning on studying?
Voice in my head: YOUR CAR IS BROKEN! HEY! JESS! YOUr CAR IS BROKEN!
Actual Voice: Well it’s great to have you here! In your yellow folder you’ll find your schedule. You’re pre-registered for…
Voice in my head: HEY! LISTEN TO ME! YOUR CAR IS JACCCCCKKKKKEEDDD UP.
Actual Voice: …so tomorrow is when we will come together as a group and guide you with registering for your final two classes…
Voice in my head: $$$$$$$
The worry associated with not knowing what was wrong with my car in addition to the anticipation of speaking to a room full of young adults made for an anxious morning. The presentation was okay. I didn’t bomb it or anything but I think it could have gone better. My colleagues assured me that the first one is always the toughest (luckily I have six more opportunities over the next two weeks to nail it). Despite the reassurance I didn’t feel great about it and still beat myself up all afternoon for not being automatically amazing at a presentation that I’ve never given before
So much for not sweating the small stuff right? Over the last few months I’ve preached about how much perspective I’ve gained and how the little things don’t matter. Well I’m only human. I don’t think I necessarily let it derail my whole day but it certainly bothered me more than it should have (my Mom is going to read this and tell me to stop “shoulding all over myself” hehe). THEN I got mad at myself for being mad at myself!
When I sit back and reflect on the anxiety I had today there are several positive counter points that help me to realize that my day really was not all gloom and doom:
1.) The owner/mechanic from A&W in Smithfield actually came to campus to pick up my car FOR FREE.
2.) I have been squirelling away a little money for months should something like this happen. I can afford the repairs (oh I forget to tell you, my radiator is shot and the something-something valve is seriously leaking oil). It’s expensive and annoying but manageable.
3.) I have rides to and from work and my car will be done tomorrow.
4.) No one threw eggs at me during my presentation.
5.) I have SIX more opportunities to improve my delivery of the presentation as I have to present to many other groups over the course of the next two weeks.
(Stephanie Perry, my colleague, was key in helping me collect my thoughts in order to draw these conclusions since she made me sit on the other side of my desk and tell her what was wrong. Thanks “Dr.” Steph!)
In reflection of today’s events I forgive myself for letting them bother me because it’s a normal human response. If I threw confetti in the air and popped champagne over the hood of my my overheating vehicle I would be certifiably insane (or potentially the star of a hip hop music video). I realize that all of these events are in my control to correct or improve. That realization is critical. After dealing with serious illness that makes you feel anything but in control much of the time.
I’d like to end on a couple positive notes. Thank you to everyone that has taken the time to help me celebrate kicking the crap out of of some cancer. It is nice to share smiles and laughter with you guys for a change 🙂
Finally, thank you to Aimee Audette for sharing this link on facebook because it definitely perked me up:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/things-to-keep-in-mind-if-youre-having-a-bad-day
Hey Mom- I updated my blog just for you…
Good morning supporters,
I have been slacking on the blog updates as my mother was kind enough to point out…several times (love you Mom).
I went to Women and Infant’s for a check-up on Friday. Dr. Robison checked how my incision was healing, did a pelvic exam, and felt my stomach to check for fluid or abnormailities. Everything checked out ok! I have another appointment scheduled in a few weeks toward the end of the month. I will have a blood test a couple days prior. As long as everything remains relatively normal or unchanged, we may move our check-ups to once every two months. I am excited that my doctor is confident enough in my progress to space out our appointments. On the flip side I am starting to feel a little void in my life. Isn’t that messed up? After months of praying to be done with this nightmare there is a part of me that has become attached to the safety and support of Women and Infants. Not going every month just feels off. It is something that I have discussed with my social workers and other survivors before. It’s not that I need the reassurance of Dr. Robison telling me I’m okay every month- I just miss the people and routine of it. I need to find a way to stay connected in a different way whether it be seeing social work more frequently or even getting a massage there. I know that I’m not articulating this well. I am honestly trying to figure this void out myself. I’ll elaborate more later I’m sure…
One task that I am setting out to accomplish at the hospital is to meet with a genetic counselor. I am trying to set up an appointment for next week to see if I carry the gene for Ovarian cancer and if it would be warranted for my mom to get tested. I found out last night from a friend that this test is not covered by insurance. WHAT?! This is seriously proactive shit and you’re going to tell me that THIS isn’t covered in the least? I am going to put in a call to Blue Cross and Blue Shield this week to inquire but regardless I’m getting the testing. If it can help my family, it’s worth it (too bad pulling the cancer card on your health insurance company doesn’t work).
On a different note…
Lately I have been feeling like I am going in warp speed. I have gone into the aftercare stage gung-ho about maximizing my time on this earth and living fully as I discussed in my last entry. I am trying to say “yes” more and worry a little less. In the midst of all of this, I may have forgotten how to slow down. I was so slowed down (let’s face it, parked) during my treatment that I feel as if I need to compensate for lost time and do everything that comes my way. Oh you want to have coffee? Sure! You want to grab a drink and watch the Bruins? Absolutely! You want to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro then stop for frozen yogurt on the way down? Hell yeah! I have thoroughly enjoyed the workouts, the concerts, the mini road trips, and nights dining out but I need to make a promise to myself that at least two nights a week I just come home, clean, make dinner and DECOMPRESS. Being that it is summer and there are so many more fun opportunities I’ll probably do a really bad job at this.
I mean- how can you resist slugging bourbon at 11am only to follow it up with a music festival in Boston during a downpour?
Other bits and pieces:
1.) My hair is growing back! This is both very exciting and obnoxious. The ONE perk of having chemo (besides a Benedryl induced nap every other week) was not having to shave my legs for months. The dream is dead. Oh well- on the flip side that means that my eye brows are coming in, some little baby eyelashes, and slowly but surely the fuzzies on top of my head are coming in. Last weekend I actually went without wig in semi-public for the first time. It was really nice to not worry about wearing a wig for a little bit. When my GI Jane look gets a little longer I’ll probably go out more often sans hair-hat.
In the meantime- I was fortunate enough to inherit a beautiful new wig to add into the rotation from my friend’s wonderful girlfriend Pam. She owns a salon in Warren, RI called the Ananda Hair Lounge. Check it out! Another hair related act of kindness- On Friday I needed my head shaved again. It was driving me nuts how uneven it was growing in and my “barbers” (friends with clippers) John and Brian were on vacation so on a whim I went to a salon called Strands in Wayland Square. I used to go there when I actually had hair. At the last minute a woman named Lisa was kind enough to take me and buzz my head. I cannot even begin to explain how sweet she was. She wouldn’t allow me to give her a dime. I believe she said: “if you try to give me any money so help me if I ever see you on the street I will ignore you! It will look very rude but I’ll do it!” Instead she made me promise that I would return in the future to let her work on my hair. Sounds fair to me.
2.) I did a set of 20 consecutive pushups with my trainer last week. The goal was to do 16 (guess I got a little carried away). The pressure is on. Now he wants 30 tonight. DAMNNIT ACCIDENTALLY OVERACHIEVING. What is really awesome is that we started practicing holding the one armed position so I can get used to how to balance and shift my weight when I actually do it. One armed pushup…you are mine.
3.) The most important update of all has nothing to do with me. Through this whole “cancer thing” one of the most therapeutic things that helped me to heal and feel most understood was to read another blog called Eff Leukemia written by a 28 year old named Tony Lanza. In the midst of our struggles, Tony and I connected and really became friends from a distance. Even though our battles are very different, we were able to relate on many levels and that helps when there are few young people around you also facing their mortality. I am pleased to announce that one year later Tony has kicked the crap out of some Leukemia! If you have a chance please look over his blog and maybe throw a “congrats” his way. He approached his treatment with humor and positive energy and it is very reflective in his writing. What he has endured over the last year is unimaginable and I am so proud that he can finally move into the next chapter of this process.
That is it for now. Thank you for continuing to read, send love, and support. It’s not over yet, but every day gets a little bit better. Big things are to come 🙂
Living well is the best revenge
As I stated in a recent entry, a clean CT scan doesn’t mark the end of a story. More than anything it merely marks the beginning of a new chapter. You do not just go back to your former pre-cancer self. You begin to process your experiences differently and in turn truly live differently. You are still you, just a better you (or maybe I’m just a giant narcissist). Cancer didn’t give me a magical power that others do not possess. It just gave me perspective.
As I have progressively improved my physical health, I’ve included a lot of pictures and updates in my blog about non-cancer related activities. It’s not because I’m doing anything especially wild or unique. I post these things because these normal, positive, uplifting experiences are what carry you out of that “cancer patient” role and into a “living well despite a bullshit disease” role. I want to document my experience in its entirety and for myself, it’s just as important to me to highlight the highs as it is the lows. Life with/after cancer isn’t always so bad- at least I still have a life to speak of.
(This is legitimately the fortune cookie I got on Friday. Even chinese food supports my living well initiative)
So in the spirit of celebrating all things that bring joy to my life, here is a highlight from last weekend. My friends had a spare ticket to see Brad Paisley at the Comcast Center in Hartford. Do I have any interest in country music? Not really. Have I ever listened to Braid Paisley before? Not intentionally. BUT it was a great opportunity to spend time with good friends and who doesn’t like live music? Regardless of genre if you don’t like sitting outside in the grass on a beautiful night to listen to live music, it’s possible that you are soulless. Despite being exhausted earlier than I would like to admit for my age, the concert was great. Thanks Katie & Bobby!
(The only real wrinkle in the night was when at the hotel I realized that I forgot to pack pants and was missing one sock. We had to take an emergency trip to TJMaxx to save the day. This mishap resulted in the quote of the night: “Wait- so you can beat cancer but you can’t even remember to bring pants?”)
In other news…
The minor surgery I had last week to remove my intraperitoneal port did not keep me down for long. I went back to work the next day, no pain medication needed, and by Monday I was exercising again. I want to take a second to thank Jacque for waiting with me pre-surgery until they gave me “happy medicine” and wheeled me into the OR. I would also like to thank Tom Tom Blythe for picking me up and Katie for facilitating the process (aka volunteering Tom Tom to help). Getting a ride midweek can be tricky because most people work a normal 9-5 so thank you for interrupting your day to help me. Anyway, the surgery went well and according to my Onc the catheter slid right out with no problem. I have a new scar to add to the collection and I’m good to go.
Physically I’ve been making great strides. This week my trainer is on vacation but my friend Brian was a rockstar yesterday and filled in. One thing that I have missed tremendously is running (I’m now thinking of every high school gym class that I cursed running). Last summer Brian was my running buddy and I was able to run farther and faster than I ever had before. Cancer and my left leg’s resulting stretched nerve kind of put a damper on my running and fitness goals BUT THOSE DAYS ARE LONG GONE! Yesterday we determined that my leg was strong enough to attempt a “test run”. Brian and I went to the Hope High School track and slowly jogged small stretches and walked on and off. Brian commented that at first my left leg was really stiff. It was as if I was jogging with a weirdo limp. It’s because it’s not totally there yet and I don’t trust it to support me fully. To help, Brian had me hold onto his arm while I jogged and having him as a spotter helped me transition into a more natural stride. Even though we looked like idiots, I was very proud of my bum leg and how far it’s come from December 5th when I walked two and a half steps with two nurse supporting me under each arm. Brian was kind enough to document my first solo jog:
(I was also nerdy enough to set it to music)
After our little jog session we hit the gym and I with the help of my substitute “trainer” I was able to add a few new things to my strength training repertoire. I bench pressed for the first time in my life. The bar alone was a little less than half my body weight so it was not easy by any means. At one point in time I would be too insecure to even attempt this buuuuuuut at this point, as long as the bar doesn’t fall on my chest, who cares? I bet I looked ridiculous but I took far more pride in the fact that I tried something new and succeeded. Brian was sneaky and captured me mid-fly. I am appreciative that he didn’t document how unflattering I looked bench pressing a bar (sans additional weight)
All in all it is nice to feel healthy again.
The Cancer Chronicles 