Tag Archives: chemo

Summertime Treatment & Sad Farewells

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I hope that everyone had a safe and lively 4th of July weekend. From what I have gathered from social media, sun was soaked in, food was consumed, fireworks were constant, and everyone’s dogs lost their shit. I have spent the past few days on the Cape with my parents, other people’s parents, and in some cases other’s grandparents. Needless to say it has been pretty quiet and relaxing which is just what I need right now after a trying few weeks.

I am disappointed to share that I made the tough decision to rehome Josie. Although I anticipated the challenges of dog parenthood, there are several factors that contributed to it being an overwhelming experience (none of which had to do with her personality, she was great). This is a decision that I did not take lightly, especially because we really bonded. Perhaps under different circumstances I would have been able to manage better but I have to be authentic here and be honest that this was too much. I need to both take care of myself and do right by Josie. She was with a wonderful foster family over the weekend and they were kind enough to send me pictures of her happily romping around with their other dogs the very next day. I have also heard from her new adoptive parents and they are lovely. Josie took to them right away when she met them. Bottom line, I am happy that Josie is loved and safe even if it was not in my home.

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I’ll be a puppy mama again someday but not just yet…

After leaving Josie it was good timing for a small vacation to stay with my parents on the Cape. We had a great time relaxing, reading, coloring (yup, adult coloring books), live jazz/blues and catching up with family friends. We enjoyed panoramic views of fireworks on the beach in Sandwich on the 4th. We also gorged ourselves with delicious BBQ and seafood. We celebrated part one of mama’s birthday last night with great dinner and our favorite, Pirate’s Cove (never too old). All in all I feel much more refreshed and ready to return to work tomorrow.

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How cute are they?! ^

Treatment:

Due to the holiday, the infusion center was closed on Friday so chemo was pushed up one day. I was expecting it to be insanely busy to compensate for the closure but luckily I was still able to get in on time AND somehow get a room with a bed. I was honestly expecting a folding chair in the lobby. I think someone must be bribing the infusion center staff to ensure these accommodations for me because I cannot fathom how lucky I have gotten to have a private room with a bed for every infusion except for one. Nothing is better than being able to shut off the light, snuggle up, and pass out while you pump your veins fulla’ poison.

Side effects:

Fatigue is at an all time high for this treatment. It is really catching up with me as my energy levels aren’t quite bouncing back as quickly as weeks prior. The treatment of Avastin and Taxol really packs more of a punch when it comes to draining energy and I found it tough to get out of bed post infusion last week. I think I came home and slept for at least 3 more hours. I can still function but I’m increasingly sluggish at the moment.

Hand rash has pretty much turned the back of my hands into dinosaur skin. I hope it doesn’t look and feel like this permanently because it’s not pretty. I’ve been using a lot of Aveno, Lubriderm, and prescription hydrocortisone cream to soothe the itch and inflammation and to keep the skin moisturized. This rash is highly sensitive to the sun so no daytime beach trips on the Cape for this girl (don’t worry I’ve subbed that for sunset visits on the beach instead).

Sore fingertips are still a thing, a real complaint. I trimmed my nails down yesterday which has taken some of the pressure off but it is becoming increasingly challenging to perform certain functions such as fastening buttons and clasps or opening containers. My nails are becoming more brittle and I have noticed that the nailbeds are changing in color to a dark red/purple. Some are worse than others. I relieve the inflammation by running my finger tips under cold water. I’m not sure what else I can do besides that and keeping them clean (to avoid bacteria and infection). My mom encouraged me to look into homeopathic remedies but I haven’t hammered down anything yet. Luckily my nails haven’t lifted yet so fingers crossed they don’t and at worst stay sore.

Hair loss– Yep, still balding. Holding on tight. Headbands and wraps are helping to hide the top a bit for now. I honestly don’t know what I want to do yet. Shave and be done with it or ride it out and see what happens? A significant amount of hair has fallen out of the top but at a much slower rate than before making this decision interesting. The jury is still out.

The news you have been waiting for:

My CA-125 results are in, actually I’ve had them for quite a few days, I’ve just been on radio silence on the blog front.

The CA-125 blood test showed a drop from 1184 to 812! We’re in triple digits! As I always say there is still a long way to go but at least we are seeing progress. This is very encouraging for me indeed.

On that note, I hope that everyone is enjoying their summer thus far. Stay tuned for more test results and summer adventures (does binge watching Seinfeld on Hulu count?)

Chemo & a Canine

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My life has taken an interesting turn in the past week. Last week, I wrote about adopting little (big) four-legged furball named Josie. The past week together has been exciting, heart warming, and challenging all at the same time. Josie is a very special pup and I can see why the foster coordinator at Big Fluffy Dog Rescue and her foster mom were so enamoured with her. josiegirl

She looks deeply into your eyes (and possibly into your soul) with such love and purity it is hard not to melt looking at that face. She had such a tough life leading up to being brought into Big Fluffy, I am shocked that this sweet girl can still love and trust so deeply.

Truth be told there have been a few times over the past week where I felt a little overwhelmed/stressed but generally her transition has been good.

Funny story about a particularly challenging evening:

Cory was concerned that she would drag me down the street on walks due to her size in comparison to my size (she weighs about 45 lbs. and I am clocking in at about 100 these days. THAT’S right! I finally tipped the scale!) I can handle a 45 lb. dog but when she is pulling and lunging at small dogs, cats, bikes, and squirrels, it takes some manpower to keep her in check. So on a night where she was particularly overstimulated, I figured I would try and burn off some energy by jogging with her on our last outing of the night. Imagine us in the streets of Providence off of Broadway. We’re running at a pretty decent pace, and I think to myself, “I’m totally going to tucker this girl out, I’m a geni-HOLY SHIT!” Suddenly, I hear a large German Shepherd bark behind a chain link fence to our left and Josie comes to an immediate dead stop. In that moment I run full force into my goddamn dog, trip over her, and land flat on the pavement, hard. It turns out that my demise ended up being my stationary dog acting like a speed bump.

On the bright side, Cory was wrong about this particular concern…

Yes, yes I am. Sorry your honor.

Anyway, this mishap aside, Josie has been pretty great even when I’m at work for the day. I mean, if you left me with a cozy bed and AC all day I’d be pretty psyched too.

There are dog mama perks aside from all of the awesome puppy snuggles and kisses I get everyday. In taking care of Josie it has forced me to be more purposeful with my time and provide better care for both of us. Now I’m not saying every cancer patient should run out and get a dog. Trust me, just a few months ago I was NOT in a place where I was up to this. I will say though, she has nudged me to make some positive changes in my daily routine. Not only do I take lots of walks, but I soak in my neighborhood and the people in it. I wake up earlier, plan mealtime better, and thoroughly clean everyday (she sheds like a fur monster. Thank goodness she doesn’t go on the bed and couch).

This routine has oddly given me energy even though I’m putting in more “work”. I think that these factors can only aid my recovery. Plus that unconditional love and care is just plain good for morale.

Now onto the chemo nitty-gritty.

I am going into my fourth cycle of Taxol/Avastin. Friday of this week will be the longer day where I get both drugs. It has been generally tolerable but I am seeing some annoying side effects start to creep in more and more:

  • Hair loss- No surprise here. I would have thought that I would have shaved by now but the back of my head is still full, it’s just the front that is mega thin. With some strategic combing and headband placement I have been able to dodge the razor for the time being.
  • Dulled taste buds- I am not experiencing the metallic taste that some other patients describe but food last lost it’s luster. I can taste food but everything is much more bland. I find myself gravitating toward stronger flavors and spices than before so I can really enjoy what I’m eating. My appetite is great though!
  • Hand rash- I have a rash on my hands that itches like crazy constantly. Any other cancer crushers out there experiencing this from Taxol? Use, Hydrocortisone cream and cool compresses. It helps although nothing but tapering off the Taxol will make it go away.
  • Sore fingernails- I’m not even kidding. This is actually a thing. My nail beds feel constantly inflamed. After all this time you’d think I would stop googling my medical concerns. All I found were horror stories about people’s nails falling off during/after cancer treatment. So help me I will STAPLE my nails to my fingers if I have to. (Not to worry, my nails are intact). I’ll just deal with it.

This list of complaints in comparison to my list of complaints from previous treatments is nothing. This is living the good life! I’ll take sore finger nails and bland food any day over a daily ride on the puke train.

I can safely say that I’m pretty happy right now. Things will only keep getting better, I’m sure of it.

We are keeping the positive energy going as I get my weekly blood work done tomorrow. It’s a CA-125 week so I’ll be getting an update on my tumor marker Friday.

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So far, so good

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Hello there friends, so we are 2/3 of the way through my first cycle of chemo. This week was even easier than last week’s infusion since it was roughly 2 hours shorter. Gone are the days of 9 hour infusions, THANK YOU LAWD.

This week I was infused with Taxol only. Taxol is the drug that I am receiving weekly. Taxol is the weekly chemo part of this dynamic duo while the other is an antibody received on the first day of every three week cycle. Last week I only felt crummy on Sunday and had some mild stomach “yuck” but aside from that I was generally okay. I do anticipate a cumulative effect where I may grow a bit more fatigued or worn out over time but so far, so good.

Yesterday’s infusion consisted of about 45 minutes of IV a pre-drugs: Zantac, Steroids, and my personal favorite- Benadryl. The steroids would explain why I feel like a million bucks the day after treatment. I wished the lasted a little longer, I could probably climb Kilimanjaro with the energy it gives me. Mom and Dad stayed with me until the Benadryl started to take me into nappy dreamland. They kindly used the next hour to go to my apartment and clean for me! What gems. I mean, how did I get so lucky? There is nothing like coming home to sparking floors and countertops especially when performed with such love. Thanks Mom and Dad! After an hour of Taxol we were all done. In and out in no time.

Today I woke up feeling pretty good. So far I’ve treated myself to breakfast at the Wayland Diner and stuffed my face with eggs, fruit, toast and turkey bacon. On that note I have been absolutely RAVENOUS in the past week or so. My appetite found its way home! The thought of food for the better part of the last year made me physically ill and eating it also made me physically ill…hence my current double digit weight. I’m still within my BMI but really cutting it close on the lower end. That being said I’m bulking for bikini season. No one needs to see skeletor at the beach. I’m sure that my nutritionist will be quite pleased to hear that I’m happily shoving all sorts of foods down my pie hole.

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When my doctor was researching treatment options for me she was very fixated on creating a much better quality of life than what I’ve had in the past. I honestly get a little choked up as I reflect on this because even though it’s only been a week I already see a vast difference in how I feel both physically and emotionally. This past year was plagued by constant illness and depression and this spring has opened a much more optimistic chapter. I finally feel like I have the ability to be well. For a while I became pretty jaded and lost the hope that I was capable of going into remission. I can’t fully explain why but I’ve restored my faith in this process. Even though it’s still a shitty thing to have to experience, it’s somehow better. I have high hopes that in a few months when we look at my next scan that we will see some progress.

I’m going to wrap this up with a couple shout outs:

Happy 30th birthday to the beautiful, talented, sassy, amazing, best nurse-navigator that ever lived- Sheila Enderby! I hope you enjoyed your party and amazing Prince cake.

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Happy birthday also goes out to a beautiful nugget that I have yet to meet- Karly Jae born yesterday to proud parents Joanna and Kyle. You are going to be amazing parents to this little girl! (If you need a break Uncle Cory, Uncle Sam, Auntie Alicia, Uncle Hudson and I will totally babysit and spoil the crap out of her)

Enjoy your weekends everyone!

Infused with love…and antibodies…and chemo (but mostly love)

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Holy moly I am feeling the love! Usually I end my entries with the appreciation I have for those cheering me on. I still receive daily messages from family, friends and supporters from all over the globe. It is that encouragement that helps me to continue this fight. Thank you for your unconditional kindness.

The love fest continued yesterday at the Women and Infants infusion center. It was like coming home.

I was lucky to be joined by the ever handsome and supportive Cory Tysoe. He came up to Rhodey the night before and we enjoyed taco Thursday (doesn’t sound as good as Taco Tuesday) followed up by a documentary inspired by this YouTube sensation: Winnebago Man (aka “The Angriest Man on Earth”)

The documentary was essentially a result of Netflix Roulette. A little offbeat but worth a watch if you want to see the impact of becoming a viral internet sensation.

As you can see the evening before new chemo wasn’t tense or worrisome. We just went about out night, a rare midweek dinner date at home, and I adored it.

The next morning while I pulled myself together (put on sweatpants) Cory made breakfast because he’s a stud. After breakfast we packed up my infusion supplies (phone chargers, a cozy blanket, books, etc.) and made the 1.9 mile journey to W&I. ONE POINT NINE MILES. Beats the hell out of the 2 hour commute to and from Boston.

My former chemo nurse Sheila is now my nurse navigator and straight hooked me up at the infusion center. She got me a room with a BED! I only had that once in my previous IV infusion experience. It is a rare treat, especially when you’re receiving Benadryl pre-drugs (right Jen?).

My new chemo nurse was at a conference so Sheila set me up with “boss lady” Heather (Sheila’s words, not mine). “Boss lady” has been in women’s oncology for over 17 years and she was amazing! When she accessed my port I barely felt it and her bedside manner was unparalleled. She had a sunny disposition and made sure that Cory and I were comfortable. I am a major fan of her. I’m also a fan of the fact that her and Sheila are working on assigning Rosa as my regular chemo nurse. Rosa treated me previously as well as my friend Jen. I adore her and I’m happy to be seeing her again.

I’ve talked about this a lot in my blog before but I have to stress what a strong sense of community WIH has. Everyone remembers you from the front desk to the phlebotomist to the nutritionist to nurses you didn’t even have! All of the aforementioned people popped in my room to say hello. They weren’t pleased that I had to come back but I did feel the warm welcome. I think that it gave Cory some peace of mind to see me surrounded by such loving and positive people.

I’m painting a rosey picture here but the reality is that no one looks forward to chemo infusions. What I can speak honestly about is that I look forward to the warmth felt in this particular infusion center. It turns a crappy situation into an experience not quite as bad.

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Even though Sheila works in the main building now, she stopped by in the afternoon to say hello. I was deep into my Benadryl nap and I felt someone jump on top of me. In true Sheila fashion she climbed into bed to give me a big hug and say hello. This would only be weird if it wasn’t her.

Overall the infusion went well. We were only there for about 4 hours (in comparison to my previous 8-10 hour stints). I was also told that I will be there for even less time in future infusions, maybe 2 hours max? Honestly, once the Benadryl hit my veins it was all over. I fell fast asleep and only woke up periodically when the IV pump beeped to switch over to the next drug. Poor Cory sat in the dark room for hours answering work emails while I passed out.

When it was all over I was famished and had an undeniable craving for Harry’s Burger bar. So Harry’s it was! I housed two sliders and some fries then immediately went home and took another 4 hour nap. I woke up around 8pm to my darling washing dishes and tidying up the kitchen. Seriously where did I find this man?! (Thank you for being born Sam Favata, without last year’s birthday celebration I would be Cory-less). Cory made me a cup of tea and we cozied up on the couch and watched hours of Top Gear. Another perfect evening at home.

Aside from feeling tired I generally felt well after the infusion. It wasn’t until almost midnight when I went to lay down and was overcome with nausea. Unfortunately I threw up. I don’t believe it was a result of the chemo though, it was probably gorging myself with burgers and fries then topping that off with some Ensure plus. Too much for my little tum tum.

Today I feel perfectly normal so I’ll say that new chemo thus far is a success! Let’s hope that it’s killing tumors so I can really call it a success in a few months.

Next week I will be joined by my lovely parents so they can see first hand how well I’m being cared for 🙂 In the meantime I return to normal life. Today I’m popping by the Izzy Room at Hasbro Children’s Hospital to see my dear friend Sarah pull off the greatest disney party of all time for the little patients and their families. Tomorrow I have the honor and pleasure of attending my cousin’s bridal shower and visiting with family in Connecticut. Monday- back to work.

I want to thank everyone again from the bottom of my heart for the love and support. Every drop of it is internalized and greatly needed.

Fight on.

All systems go: A new treatment plan in motion

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What a day, nay- what a week.

At work we are in the midst of the course registration frenzy. During this time there are a lot of time sensitive concerns, a high volume of varying needs, and general stress. On top of that all I can think about all week is:

1.) I need to stop hacking a lung or I might turn myself inside out.

2.) What treatment plan will provide for me the best quality of life

3.) Pizza (because pizza is usually at the forefront of my mind).

My supervisors and colleagues have been very sensitive to my recent and ongoing challenges and stepped up in a huge way to ensure that I could rest my body and ease my mind. I didn’t realize just how necessary it was to just decompress until I got home, got into bed, and felt all my insides just ache.

STILL Fixing a Broken Squeaker:

Today was a big day. First of all, the coughing has gotten out of hand and although I had some relief after the thoracentesis, I underwent a second this morning. After performing an ultrasound on both lungs they determined that the left side was STILL worse than the right side and they again drained from the left side.

No Farva, that’s not Liter-Cola, it’s another full liter of my tumor juice.

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Sheila, my now fancy nurse-navigator, was a doll and went with me to observe the procedure and wiped the tears from my eyes and goopy nose while I periodically whimpered. The PA that performed the procedure was VERY good and although it was still a difficult procedure to endure, it wasn’t as traumatizing as the first time.

There is still some fluid boppin’ around in there but I can certainly breathe even better now. Slowly, we’re making progress. I just pray to the good heavens above that I don’t have to have this procedure done again anytime soon. Two in one week is enough torture.

The Treatment Plan:

Prior to draining the pleural effusion from my chest, I met with Dr. Robison to carefully weigh out all of the treatment options we have in front us. After great consideration, we agreed that we would try pairing Avastin (an antibody) and Taxol (a commonly used chemotherapy that I’ve had previously). There is research to suggest that Avastin in combination with Taxol yields more promising results than Avastin alone. The decision to start with a chemo-combination as opposed to Avastin on its own was also heavily influenced by the amount of fluid that has been collecting in my chest. The Taxol should do a good job of drying that up. Eventually we will be able to taper off the chemo and only use Avastin. I do not have a timeline for this.

The up-sides:

  • Will provide good quality of life
  • Minimal side effects
  • I DON’T have to take it at home (it will be an outpatient infusion)
  • Treatment will occur at Women and Infant’s in Providence (less than a mile from my apartment)
  • I already know that I tolerate Taxol well

Moderate-Bummers:

  • At least for the first few months I will need infusions once per week (still not as bad as the first time)
  • I may lose my hair again. But even so- I know I have a nice round head and in the grand scheme of things feeling well trumps having hair.

With all of that being said we are wasting no time! My first treatment begins next Friday and I plan to be there with the ever handsome and delightful Cory Tysoe. Little does he know that he will just have to just watch me pass the eff out once they toss some Benedryl in the IV (Benedryl naps for life!). Cory- you should probably bring a book…

So in short, it’s been a BIG week of mixed experiences and emotions but I’m still full of fire and will do everything I can to claim my life as my own and NOT cancer’s chew toy.

Mom, Dad, Adam, Cory, family, and friends (I’d be typing names for decades, sorry). Thank you for always having my back, always believing in my ability to be well, and helping me to navigate and endure the ups and downs of this disease.

So much gratitude…

Jess

“Sorry for eating all of your cancer snacks” -Meesh

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I had the best weekend. I adore my chemo off-week. It makes me feel like a “normal” human being again (for a few days at least). As the weeks go on as much as the effects of chemo are cumulative and become more intense with each cycle, I am still somehow energized during my off weeks. It’s better to just roll with it and not question where this magical energy is coming from. I took it as a golden opportunity to have some fun. One of my best friends that I grew up with visited from NYC (Michelle to my right). Since one of my other best friends (Stacey to my left) now lives in Little Rhodey, we were able to have a Torrington reunion.

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And of course spend time with my Providence home girls…(clearly I need a new pose)

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On Friday night we went out and met up with the rest of my “providence family” and a few other wonderful friends and headed downtown to the bar. There was a live band and my leg has improved enough that I was finally able to dance without fear of tipping over. Per usual I was the most hydrated girl at the bar. Despite not being able to drink, I was still able to have a great time. It wasn’t too crowded, no one got too drunk, everyone was having a great time. I loved it.

Small nice moment in the RiRa bathroom: I was talking to Michelle and Stack about my wig and a girl waiting in line at the bathroom said “I was just about to comment on what nice hair you have! I would have never known that was a wig”. I guess my wig stylist was right- NAILED IT.

Yesterday I continued the T-town reunion and overall we had some good food and I pretty much laughed all day. This visit was good for the soul. OH and I had an unexpected huge appetite. I basically cleaned my plate at every meal (So Jeannette- if you’re reading this, I hope you’re proud since second to my mother you are most concerned about plumping me up).

Anyway- just thought I’d highlight a few good days in the midst of this cancer chaos.

Gearing up for round FIVE (home stretch!) of chemo this coming week. Cross your fingers for some favorable blood test results. I will accept any and all prayers to any deity! If you need to pray to a golden calf in order to get my CA125 levels below 21, do it (but don’t tell my Rabbi).

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Thank you for the continued support!

Chemo Round 4: 2 treatments down, 1 to go

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I have so far survived that past two days of chemo without nausea or vomiting (knock on wood). I have had IV nausea meds that will stay in my system for three days and they have allowed me to take a lovely little drug called Phenergan which worked really well to curb my nausea when I was in the hospital. Yesterday I pretty much slept all day through treatment and again when I got home but because of the steroids I was up all night. Luckily the steroids really make you feel invigorated (a nicer way of saying they turn you into an insomniac). As a result my room is now clean and organized. Chemo silver linings?

Yesterday I shared a room with a woman with breast cancer. The Benedryl knocked us both out for it generally made for a quiet chemo experience. The funniest part of the day was when it was time to leave. I didn’t have a ride home so the nurse was kind enough to call me a cab. For those of you familiar with Providence cabs you will chuckle to know that she called Big Daddy Taxi. Yup, the one that takes you to the Cadillac Lounge and to the Foxy Lady (Free admission to both if you use Big Daddy!). You better believe that the cab had a pegasus spray painted on the side of it when it rolled up to the infusion center. For a shady cab company, I must say that they are always prompt and friendly! Gotta love strip club owned cabs. I made it home safe for 7 bucks. I’ll take it.

Today was much more comfortable.  My friend Jen was kind enough to stay with me today (owner of the Bee Hive Cafe in Bristol. Eat there, it’s life changing). She was also kind enough to pick up Olga’s for lunch. It was most definitely a huge incentive to eat despite not having a big appetite these days. YUM.

photo-25 My chemo nurse was moving this week so I had a lovely nurse named Rosa. It worked out great because she was Jen’s chemo nurse during her battle with breast cancer. Rosa was very sweet and thrilled to see Jen. We even scored a great infusion room. I had a room to myself that not only had a window but a bed too!!! The chemo recliners are horrendous. Not to sound ungrateful but when you have to sit in one place for 6 hours to get poison pumped into you, you at least want to be comfortable. The bed was a pleasant surprise.

This weekend I’ll be focusing on no nausea, continued strength, and CA125 levels dropping. Remember 21 is the magic number. Pray for 21. As my friend Katie reminded me last night: “We’re not 21 but the sooner we are, the sooner the fun will begin” -Brand New. I thought at age 25 that I outgrew those lyrics but in this case- still relevant! Throwback Brand New for the win.

I’m back home now and looking forward to a low key, lazy weekend so that I can come back to work Monday full force.

Love & Gratitude ❤