Twas the Night Before Chemo: Take 2

After much anticipation and a few trips back and forth to Boston tomorrow is the ACTUAL day that I will start my chemo trial. The format of the day, as explained to me, should be pretty painless (if you don’t count the needle accessing my chest port).

Arrive at 10am –> vitals & blood draw –> meet Dr. Birrer at 11am –> Take first dose of the study drug –> wait an hour –> EKG –> Home.  Hopefully it will not be much more complicated than that. I can handle that.

It is interesting to think about where I was on December 30, 2012. The night before I started chemo for the first time. I was a ball of nerves, sleepless, emotional, and hopped up on steroids. I imagined that my hair would fall out immediately and that the drugs would tear my flesh apart like an acid burn as it coursed through my veins. I had many expectations and fears that did not come to be. On the flip side I encountered side effects that I did not necessarily expect. Chemotherapy is such a mixed bag.

This time around I am going into the trial with an open mind. I am turning down the volume on the apprehension and anxiety that initially hit me when posed with this opportunity.  I am deliberately using the word opportunity because I have come to accept that this is a gift. I am  being offered the chance to try something completely new that has the potential to revolutionize how women with Ovarian Cancer are treated.

Today, I am okay and quite thankful for it.


15 thoughts on “Twas the Night Before Chemo: Take 2

  1. Again, Jess, you have shared a depth of emotion so eloquently. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. Thinking good thoughts as you embrace this newest opportunity. Love and hugs, Pam

  2. Dear Jessica,
    Your mother and I are so proud of you. Your courage and faith along with your eating and exercise program will allow this new drug to cure your cancer. As your grandfather would say ,”Jessica you are one beautiful tough cookie”.
    Good luck tomorrow.
    I love you

  3. The sun’ll come out tomorrow
    So you got to hang on till’ tomorrow, come what may!
    Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow
    You’re only a day away

    And you know that if you were right here, I
    would belt this out for you!

    Momma Fabs

  4. You are such an inspiration, Jess. You have an amazing, positive outlook that everyone should adapt. Good luck tomorrow!

  5. Jess – love you loads! You’re still one of my faves! Kisses and good karma heading your way! Love, McG❌⭕️

  6. you are a stunning example of a human and have absolutely nothing to fear because there is nothing in the universe that rocks your spirit. All the good karma you built up being phenomenal and kind and hardworking is coming back to you in the form of thoughts prayers and good vibes. We love you and we’re all with you tomorrow

  7. Jess — Thinking of you — let their work – work within you— dream of the cleaning crew coming in to help you clean up the dust bunnies —- Know that I, as many truly send you positive and health filled thoughts and prayer —- You go girl and let the magic work within —– Loving and healing thoughts go out to you —– Delores

  8. Jess,
    As always, you shall prevail- another step to look back on, to survive, and then celebrate your incredible strength and courage-and the journey that will lead you back to the amazing person you are!! My thoughts and prayers are with you today for peace of mind that all is well and this too shall pass–love Mary💕👍

  9. Jess,
    God Bless you and best wishes for a successful chemo trial w/o discomfort. We’re all rooting for you from the Paradise clan. Love, Mossy

  10. Your grandfather got it right! You are one beautiful tough cookie, Jess. Sending healing thoughts your way from the Houghton family.

  11. Jess,
    Thinking of you today that you’re doing well with the new regime (meaning non existent or at least minimal and manageable effects).
    You are an inspiration and the OC community THANKS YOU for your outlook and willingness to enter into the unknown so that you and others can beat this.

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